Monthly Archives: April 2013

To Do: Discuss a Recent Game, Post Model Pictures, Giggle at “Titicaca”

Hello web surfers. So, it’s Sunday, the laundry’s in the machine, my wrists are sore from excessive painting, and my body wills time to stop, preventing work from capturing me once again for five days of toil. Since I can’t prevent Father Time from pissing on my head, I figured I’d use my time wisely and write a blog post.

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Recent Battle Recap

A buddy from my now not-very-local Games Workshop needed to test his army list for Adepticon, so I volunteered to be his punching bag so that he could test combos and practice his boastful, yet trying to be sincere, “sportsmanship smile”. In all honesty, I wasn’t expecting much out of the game; as everyone who knows me knows (and if you don’t know me, HI! I’m Brad), I build all of my armies with fluff in mind, not necessarily great combos. I’m about as competitive as a mouse already down the gullet of a snake…I just lay back, think about all the cheese I’ve ever eaten, and let things fall as they may. But I don’t lie down, either! I’m a dad gum Rocky Balboa of tabletop gaming, except I don’t win every match. In fact, I have quite a few fail moments.

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This was the first game I fielded all of my painted Chaos models. You see, my wife has a very ba…wait, she reads this…great, amazing, gives-me-special feelings rule that I can’t buy new models unless I have my previous models painted. Honestly, it keeps me from having a metric crap ton of unpainted minis around my desk, and keeps my spending in line. If it wasn’t for “the rule”, it’d look like the damned last scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

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After adding a few upgrades, I hit 1,500 points, just the amount of Dave’s tourney army. Oh ya, I was playing Dave. He fielded a Necron / Grey Knight army and won first turn. To get an idea of how the game went for me…

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Yep, that bad. I was sore, and wanted to go home. I’m still sitting on my donut pillow. All joking aside, it went a lot better than I thought. I survived till the top of turn five, and decided it was time to call it quits, as I had only a Helbrute left on the board. I did have him on the ropes a couple of times, causing a single bead of sweat to fall from his well-manicured hair, but not for long. My Chaos Lord managed to wipe his Destroyer Lord off the table without a scratch (DAMN! I just realized I forgot my Chaos Boon of rerolling failed armor saves…Chaos players should really bring paper and pens with them), which was satisfying. Due to some lucky dice rolls, my Obliterators managed to rip apart a Dreadknight in one round of shooting and wound another one twice before dying, as well as blow up a Razorback. Lastly, my Heldrake sent a Grey Knight squad to meet their Emperor. In return, Dave tabled me. Le sigh.

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No matter what, I had a great time. My army performed well while having quite a few glaring problems (no anti-air fire to speak of, a couple of “why the hell are you using that piece of crap” units), so I consider it a moral victory. I’m pretty notorious in the shop for finding moral victories in my games. In fact, I consider finding moral victories in every situation a moral victory. Optimism is great. My glass is always half full, half full of happy.

Dude Den Cabinet

One of my favorite accents in my dude den is my display cabinet for my models. It’s nothing fancy, just a small Ikea case that I bled over. I seriously think Ikea furniture was designed by Jigsaw, as it’s complicated, causes immense pain, and features dozens of screws.

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The biggest problem with the case is there aren’t any lights, but who gives a hoot! It’s a damn glass case full of my models! I talk sweet nothings into its see-through panels every night. Love, ladies and gentlemen. Love. To see blurry ass photos of my entire Alpha Legion Chaos Space Marine army inside the case, head over to my Warhammer 40K gallery.

Lake Titicaca

I don’t give a hell if I’m 12-years-old in my brain place, this lake is essentially named booby poop. Lake Booby Poop. “Guys, let’s go fishing at Lake Booby Poop.

Disciples of Caliban

While these models are also sitting in my Warhammer 40K gallery, I couldn’t help but to show at least pictures here. These are a little side project for my Black Templars, a bunch of shooty marines to back up their close combat erections. Within 21 days, I’ve managed to paint 10 tactical marines and my Company Master (yes, that’s them below, so be gentle). Not bad, if I do say so myself. That’s almost 4 a week mutha sucka. All I have left are five Terminators and three Bikes. Of course, then I’m moving onto a Stormraven and new Black Templars Marshal, followed closely by my big summer project, the Loken vs. Abaddon diarama from Forgeworld, a model that both excites me sexually, yet scares me. Anyways, check out the pics below for my latest work.

Disciples Company Master

Disciples Tact Sqd 1

P.S. I know they’re not based. I think I’m going to order some from Fantascape, but I haven’t quite made up my mind which ones.

Lake Titicaca

Did I mention that this lake is pretty much Lake Booby Poop?

I think that’ll wrap it up for today, folks. Keep your hammers swinging and your heads up, just probably not at the same time. Nothing worse than catching your head in your own hammer swing.

To Do: Discuss a Recent Game, Post Model Pictures, Giggle at “Titicaca”

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To Do: Talk About Warpforged Miniatures (and Apologize for Not Writing Lately and Other Stuff)

It has come to my attention that it’s been a literal “forever” since I wrote a blog post. Before you jump down my throat, I have prepared the following list of excuses:

  1. I was moving into a new apartment with my new wife.
  2. Work has been pretty hectic lately.
  3. BioShock: Infinite came out.
  4. My NCAA bracket took a nose dive, as did my confidence.
  5. Soda pop is a hell of a drug.
  6. My dogs have needed extra cuddling time.

Hopefully you see where I’m coming from. In any event, I am here now, and ready to smash out some words for your eye orbs to take into them like sweet, sweet loving. Since some time has passed since my last post, I’ll make this one a catch up entry. Put on your goggles, cause here comes the thunder.

Money-Shot

 

Money shot…get it?

Warpforged Miniatures

One of the fantastic people I follow on Twitter is named Warpforged Miniatures (@warpforgedminiatures). Regularly I’d call him a peep, but I was recently informed by my six-year-old niece that that word is no longer “with it”, so I’m in search of a new term for friend. Please submit your ideas in the comment box below. Warpforged Miniatures is a painting collective that does some pretty tasty work, and recently, they put out a tweet asking people if they wanted a free paint commission; all one had to do was supply the model. Always eager to see the work of others (and find new things to write about, as most of my ideas are just a string of swear words and doodles of dragons), I jumped at the chance. After a couple of weeks of waiting, which felt like an eternity, because patience is for physicists and those who love watching water boil, it finally arrived at my place of living.

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As you can see, the model is tres fancy. My upcoming ally force is going to be the Disciples of Caliban. You see, my Black Templars are on a crusade to slay a traitorous Sword Brethren who has become a member of an Alpha Legion band. As it turns out, the Alpha Legion have more intel than Harriet the Spy, which includes the location of Cypher. As such, the Disciples have partnered with my crusade to apprehend both chaps. Ah, it feels good to stroke one’s geek.

So Warpforged did a great job capturing the look of the chapter. The mind-blowing thing is it took them only 45 minutes to complete this bad boy. I can’t seem to get a single model done in under 1.5 hours, so I’m beyond impressed with this. Kudos to Warpforged Miniatures on a fantastic mini! And congrats to me on being the owner of said mans. Click here to browse their website.

Recent 40K Battle

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to go visit my friends at the Games Workshop in Oak Park, and break out my evil guys for a mega battle game. Typically with these games, there’s a main objective everyone is trying to take over (In previous games, I have taken the objective 3/4 times, and held it twice). Well, I figured, “You know, I may not be here next weekend, and it’d be downright shameful for me to take it and deny some poor whippersnapper the chance to enjoy its effects the next game,” so instead of trying to win, I just set out to murder everyone around me. I took a Chaos Lord with 10 marines, 3 obliterators, and 1 heldrake. Throughout the game, I achieved the following:

Victims – 9 daemonettes, 3 Ravenwing bikers, 13 guardsmen, 5 lootas, 5 slugga boyz, and glanced a landspeeder.
Casualties – 2 obliterators, 1 marine, and the heldrake, the first time he’s ever been slain…

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The best part was the last turn, which looked a little something like this

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That is a freaking crap ton of flyers. This, my friends, is why I can’t wait to get some Tau allies under my command. Too many birds in the air, and far too many singing on my shoulder. I prefer no more than one of each, and both better be chirping “Spoonful of Sugar” into my ear.

Disciples of Caliban

I started getting this force under way, but you’ll have to wait a few days for me to get some pictures done up. I’m finicky.

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Bioshock: Infinite

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Why does 2K Games continue to rock my world and steal my free time like a heartless wench? There’s no scale which one can gauge how good this game is. Except for a number system between 1 and 10, which puts B:I at a dad gum 15. I’m not a huge fan of FPS games, at least modern ones, where goobers run around screaming into their headsets mocking others while slinging racial and homophobic slurs like candy at a parade. But FPS games like these are just unstoppable. Great graphics, one of the best stories I’ve played through in forever, and action that just doesn’t quit. If orgasms could happen through playing games, I’d spend my down time smoking cigarettes.

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An Apology

So here we come to the end of our time together, and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the delayed post. No, no, I’m serious. I shouldn’t leave you alone like that. I didn’t even put down a bowl of water. From here on out, if I’m going to have more than a week between posts, I’ll put up some random hilarity to pacify your need for laughs. So friends, get busy living, or get busy dying.

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To Do: Talk About Warpforged Miniatures (and Apologize for Not Writing Lately and Other Stuff)